When did I become universally Ukrainable*? (* the term I created for when someone is referred to as "the X." I'm always "the Sandry." Kyree is "the Wolves." Beth tends to be "the Genness.") I thought this was an isolated phenomena, but it's spreading.

I'm still debating. Do I want to just be Sandry? Ian says that it isn't that I don't like the name Barbara because it's unpleasant to me, but rather that I don't like it because I'm not fond of myself as a person. Fair enough. He asserts that this means if I change my name I'll only end up not liking the new one. I don't think that's actually what should happen, though. I think I just can't associate it with myself. But I already do. However, I think I might already dislike Sandry for different reasons than the ones for which I dislike Barbara. Not to mention that I won't change my name to Sandry. I keep saying I'll take "Alexandria" and then just use it as my nickname. While I do identify with Sandry, Alexandria is too grand, graceful and cultured a personage for the likes of me.

Barbara bothers me because she's boring, she's too clumsy, she's very heavy-handed, she's completely insecure, needy, whingey, undisciplined, reclusive, thick, careless and escapist.

Sandry is different. Sandry is flighty, self-important, too talkative, ditzy, indecisive and also insecure.

I think the two merge and shift, but I definitely end up accenting different idiocies depending on which persona I have to use.

Mind you Barbara is also very empathic, persistent, strong, perceptive, intelligent and generally well-liked, while Sandry is very social, teasing, she seems more sure of herself, she's eager to learn, interested about others...

Sandry's supposed to be more of a leader, but the two of us can't get our act together with regards to having any kind of faith in our abilities, so it's not panning out.

No, I'm not insane. Not that way. I'm just stagnant on three planes simultaneously instead of one.
posted by Unknown at 11:05 PM