I desperately want to write a good song. I keep listening to Lacuna Coil lately and thinking, "it's not that complicated. Why can't I do it?" I'm lingually impaired, or something. I don't know where to start.

I'm not afraid of you at all
I'm tired of your silly games
I'm waiting for you to arrive
And stand beside my open grave

I practiced yesterday and pulled out Variations on a Swedish Folktune, one of the harder things I can play at this point. Had about gotten to the last movement when Jenna got home, and I ended up playing the Insane Run from Hell in front of her. I didn't even really muck it up too badly. Unfortunately I haven't been practicing anywhere near enough lately, so my muscles were not up to the ending. It saddens me. Granted, I get a little bit dubious about the worth of having this skill, but this is probably the single thing in life that I am best at, and why the hell am I letting it slip? Surely not over resentment. That would be stupid.

I want a role model. I want to figure out who I *should* look up to, because it seems I'm taking up other peoples' examples willy nilly, without deciding first if it's a good idea. I've been relatively unpleasant for a good three days now, and I think it's all just another bid for approval. You can't get approval on other people's terms anyhow, though, so why do I bother?

I'm sorry that I don't know what to do with myself. I intend to work on figuring it out. In the meantime, have at least the patience that I do. And when asking with regards to myself, that isn't all that much.
posted by Unknown at 11:18 AM