Aie me. So I'm home. Have been for only two days. Saturday was a bloody mess. Got up at seven (three hours after I went to bed) to get ready for brunch, rehearsal and graduation stuffs. All of that went well enough. Graduation took for-bleeding-ever, though. Got back to the dorm at one thirty and still had scads of things to do. Packed and generally panicked for an hour and a half, tried to figure out where in hell my father was. My father got in after two thirty a bit. We then found out that the moving and storage company we usually use was no longer interested in serving Long Island. Okay... So we had lots of fun running around trying to find the UPS in Dunkirk, then finding it wasn't open on Saturdays period, then finding that no one would take ground shipping after some obscene time on a Saturday... finally we found a way to do it. My father and I drove to Erie, PA to drop off my things at a Staples. It was so wonko bizarre.

So we were finally done with Staples business around seven thirty, and we headed over to dinner. There weren't too many choices, it seemed, and we ended up eating at Applebees. Looking at the menu, I could see precisely one option which looked vegetarian. Oh joy. So I order the Veggie and Salad Combo. Claims to be cooked veggies and a salad. I get the salad. The salad has mother loving bacon on it! Damnit, people, I'm a New Yorker. You CANNOT put bacon on anything without specifying in NY. How many people can you offend that way? Yeah, so this means that absolutely everything on that menu had meat in it. I'm sorry people, but that's messed up.

So my father and I get back from our little excursion at nine thirty and have to start packing. Ye gods, I was so tired by the end of that day. We got everything into the car by ten thirty at least, and we got to the hotel where we were staying the night by a quarter of midnight. I am so very glad my father's estimate on how far we'd be able to go was so conservative. Good word that was so difficult. I haven't slept so well in ages, damn I was tired.

So we left Sunday by eleven am, and we poodled around forever and a bloody half and we didn't get home until nine thirty at night. Then there was brief unpacking. Then there was The Discussion. Kill me. Please. I knew my mother wasn't happy with me, but she's being so stupid about this. She pretty much admitted that she was just not talking to me. By the end of the talk she indicated that I should look into moving out immediately. I asked her if it was too much to ask to stay the night. She conceded. Ha. Very nice of you. Meanwhile more discussions today, and damnit, she's always yelling, I'm always keeping my voice at a normal tone and attempting to argue rationally and I always end up in tears. So goddamned sick of dealing with her. I don't even care if she has a point anymore. It hurts too much to even talk with her. And damnit, I'd rather be wrong on my own than right because I gave up my will in favour of her control.

So she keeps talking about how I'm being so unrealistic... which is very funny because I "overheard" a "conversation" on the phone between her and my father this morning in which she basically screamed slanderous and untrue things about my life. *sigh* It's like she takes what actually happened and extrapolates using her poor and inaccurate opinion of me. Goddamnit woman, I'm not a liar. You lie a hell of a lot more than I do. All I do is play the game with you... because if I can manage to avoid telling you things it means less pain in the end. I don't lie to people. The only lies I commit are those of omission, and those are almost solely with her, because she's damned dangerous. Meanwhile she's talking quite the talk about how much she's done for me and money and all this... in the past year she has not paid for my schooling. I have not lived at home for more than a week or two at a time. I do not go on shopping sprees with her money. I don't get extravagant presents from her. WHAT MONEY?? My father pays for college where my financial aid leaves off. I pay for my expenses with the jobs I've held. All she's ever paid for is transportation to and from home, and damnit I don't freaking go home for my health, I do it because she asks. I can no longer deal with having her impressions of me thrown at me. It hurts so much to see that twisted, distorted and ugly vision of one's self, and to know that there's nothing you can do to change it. I'm sorry, but your inability to grasp reality should not be my problem. I am. So. Damned. Unhappy.

So it looks like I'm moving out and soon. Well. Yeah, that's fine with me, really. In the mean time, please just leave me alone, huh? I've had quite enough of tears for now.
posted by Unknown at 12:04 AM