I really don't know what to do anymore. I've been in a year long break down. I...

So do I stay on another year? Will I make any *progress* if I do? I see all my friends... they look so together. Everyone I associate with is so bloody intelligent. Honours, hardworking, the whole lot. I used to be one of those people. Now I constantly feel like a failure, and I keep hoping it isn't really my fault. I guess tomorrow I should try to bite the bullet and talk to all kinds of people about what's going on... I just... I don't know anymore.

Why do people hate you when you can't get it together? Is it like a betrayal that you used to know me as a good student? I'm sorry if it's getting in your way. I assure you it's not my own volition here. Well, except I can't be sure.

Time and again I've said it, and I guess I'm always a bit unsure of if I'm totally correct or not. I think I don't care enough about myself to help myself. I'm doing it again. If I cared... why...? And then I keep thinking I must be wrong. This must be some screwed up decision of mine... but why would anyone decide these things if they were rational and doing all right? Crap. I can never tell what's really going on anymore.

So. No clue what the hell I'm doing with myself, and too scared shitless to face the music. All I want is to run away, and then my friend has to go and point out to me that it doesn't make sense, even if I managed to make it sound like it made sense to others. Damn. I just want a hug, I want some help, and I want to never go home.
posted by Unknown at 9:49 PM