My Utopia professor continues to prove how dipsticky he is capable of being. *sigh* We handed in our papers I think three weeks ago (yes, the paper I finished over two weeks early because we had an extension and he neglected to inform us of it.) and today we were supposed to have them back. Because this is a distance learning course he had to send out our papers through the mail. (Actually both Fredonia and Brockport.) Okay, fine, so that shouldn't have taken more than a week. But did we have our papers today? No. And let me tell you why. He sent them to the wrong damned school. We have Brockport's papers. Thank you, that was helpful. So we ask him if we can at least get our grades. Apparently not. There's some law or other that prevents this from happening. Can't display grades over the network. *shrug* He finally decided we should all just email him and he'd send us our grades. Right. Thanks.

Anyhow, so we had little to do for class today because he scheduled nothing. Right. So we end up BSing for an hour and a half. He asked us if anyone would discuss their paper (that we didn't know if he liked or not.) with the class. Umm. Yeah. Actually, at one point he referred to my paper. He was talking about how a lot of the people chose to write dystopic stories rather than utopic stories and mentioned something like ".. and there was one paper where the society was utopic, but the main character chose to leave," and he commented that it had been an interesting take. Going from that I decided he couldn't have hated it too terribly much, so I actually did talk about my paper with the class. I thought that was fairly brave of me.

Of course after I describe my thinking behind writing this/my motivations John the Pompous immediately hits his mic and asks me to sell him my story à la Hollywood. Five minute synopsis or something, I guess. So I tried that, a bit skeptical, then when I was finished the prof continued asking me about my heroine's motivations. It was funny... I didn't know all of her motivations largely because I really identified with her. He asked me why she chose something and what would have happened otherwise, and I couldn't justify what seemed to be my own choice. I think that's not a postive thing.

Well, it went alrightish, though, and that class is always amusing. It reminds me of the Breakfast Club, somehow. The three of us who are taking the class from Fredonia make this frequent commentary on what's going on, but of course no one can hear us without any mics turned on at the moment, so we get rather biting about our prof's choice of audio, about John the Pompous' windy commentaries.... It's a bit petty, but I have no idea how I'd make it though this class otherwise. We don't seem to actually be learning much. Some of the only things I've gotten from this happened much earlier on in the semester. Don't know that I've learned much of anything of use lately. *sigh*

It's almost the weekend again. When the heck did that happen? Things are flying by now. We have only I think four weeks left of classes. Gah. I need more time. I need something.

Debi emailed me today talking about when I could be around for her wedding and could I email her the date of my Spring break. !! Aiee. My sister's going to be married in about a half a year? Life is weird.

Still need to sort things out in my head. Continually finding how little of a handle I have on some aspects of my personality. Instinctual defense mechanisms still kicking around like mad. And today I offended someone and I really regret it. I'm sorry. We all make mistakes, right? I think I'm getting a bit too... thoughtless or something. I feel like my personality is degraded in some areas at least today. And yet everyone tells me how nice I am, and blah blah blah. What if I'm not? What if I'm really terribly petty and a bad person? Well, not a bad person, but careless, and that's somehow worse because it represents totally wasted potential. I could be a good person, I could be of value, but I'm not paying enough attention. That is an *awful* excuse for my behaviour. Again. I'm truly very sorry. I think I'm a forgiving person, and I hope the people in my life are as well, because I think I really need it. Sorry. Good night.
posted by Unknown at 10:20 PM