ok, so nothing is ever simple, but at least life is amusing. i had a fabulous weekend, even if transportation was a bit iffier than i'd like both ways. beth and i completely missed each other at the bus station, so i ended up deciding that waiting was futile and i just went to tufts myself.

apparently i'm semi-competent, or something. i think that considering how little information i had to go on, i did reasonably well, and i did end up meeting up with beth before i died of fatigue, chill or hunger. aside: why the blarghing heck do pop tarts need to have gelatin in them? in the frosting? which i've always thought was excessive anyhow. *sigh*

anyhow, i can't believe how normal it seemed visiting beth. like i'd known her forever. we never ran out of things to talk about. it was very nifty, and yet still odd. i still felt like there was more college experience at tufts than i'm getting, but it wasn't as strong a feeling as the ones i got from being at williams or colgate. i seem so social, comparatively. damn. and i don't seem to make an idiot out of myself. people meet me and actually like me. it's so supernormal to me.

i wish i had the chance to know people better. then i feel like whatever mistakes i make and bash myself on the head for are inevitably ones that i make with everyone sooner or later. no matter how much i value tolerance and advocate it, i still say rash things and lose patience and make a general idiot of myself if given enough time.

essentially... i guess we all make idiots of ourselves, and blindness or the tendency to withdraw from people ends up causing irreperable damage to relations that otherwise might be fixable. i just have to be open to moving past my own idiocies as well as everyone else's. i'd like to think i can really like all people, but that's not happening, so i guess i'm moving towards attempting to accept all people and not be angered without cause, and not to hold any grudges or hurt people if i do becoome angry. i just don't want to lose friendships. i never have in the past, but i've also never made such fast friends before. i almost feel like this means they shouldn't be close friends, or i'm not being careful enough....

i've spent so much time keeping to myself, but now i'm putting myself right out in the open. i'm presenting a heck of a lot of who i am to all those i meet. i wonder if this means i'm trusting people more, or if this is even any good. maybe i'm just a fool for yet one more reason. i don't think so, though. i don't think that people attack me. well. other than a couple from whom i already expect it. but i don't think that i'm even fragile enough to be cracked with what i'm giving of myself. i don't think i'm fragile at all, really. which will come in handy relatvely soon, i think.... let's not think about that just yet.

so i went to a ren faire this weekend in real garb. and no fairy wings. *grin* and i got to throw axes yesterday. *evil laughter* i'm not even appearing to be terribly bad with axes. i have a general feel for it, now. i just need to aim. which i found at the end of the little session is easier with heavy axes. i started with medium weihght and hit the target once in a blue moon, then briefly tried lighter ones, only to find that i was throwing them halfway across the yard rather than anywhere productive. i only tried three throws with the heavier axes, but i got two of those in the target. i may yet become a respectable berserker someday. =Þ

eh, time to sleep. not enough of that on the bus ride back last night through this morning. time to drop.... *thud*
posted by Unknown at 9:17 PM