I'm laughing so hard. I'm watching someone trying to get rid of a sort of frightening potential suitor that at one point she thought she might have been interested in. He asked her if she liked him. Not wanting him to feel bad she told him that she had once (true), but she used "effective techniques" to get over him (false). He asked her what the techniques were. Now she's recruiting people to give her ideas for techniques she can tell him.

I always claim to be honest about my feelings toward people, and I say I don't get into these problems, but now I wonder. Morde'an has commented in the past that I come off as friendly to a few people we've both admitted to disliking strongly. It's true, I guess. I know that other people's opinions are important to me, but honestly it's a bit out of hand here. I want people whom I dislike immensely to think well of me. There are people who think ill of me. There will always be people who won't like me. It isn't my fault, though. I'm not really a cruel person, I think, and if people hate me it's usually because they're judging me using some measure other than my personality.

This must mean that I've once more secretly admitted I like me. I have to stop doing that.

Today is yet one more day of feelings of well-being and happiness. Damn, but things are just fine right now.

Concert tomorrow. I hope all goes well. Concert next week. No, two. Or is it three? We just got a "gig" playing for some high mucky muck types. "We" meaning my flute trio. This thing is a conference of heads of all the SUNY schools. Yikes. Then there's actual work.... Presentation for Myth and Symbol, reading for philosophy, books upon books....

I keep thinking I'll be happy when such and such is over, but I neglect to note that there are more things immediately on the heels of what I'm trying to get past. And I'm tired. I need a good night's sleep. It won't be this one, either. I'll sleep well when I'm dead. I think that sometimes. But in the meanwhile I'll hopelessly try again, and maybe by some weird chance it'll actually be restful tonight.
posted by Unknown at 9:37 PM