you just want to say something. or talk to someone. you want meaning. there is no meaning here. there's too much. honestly my sentiments could almost be summarized just as "holy shit." or i could talk forever as usual.

i'm so angry and sad and horrified. so is everyone. it's a whole world of idiocy and pointlessness. i almost feel like my thoughts are now invalid and always have been. others can express things better, so why even say anything? largely i just sit here staring away at nothing and crinkling my brow. this all has so much meaning that it's too much. almost numbness and meaningless, really. every time i think about it things just seem worse.

i'm vaguely touched, though. when i got back the the room i went in irc. twenty four people when i got there, all gathering to see that everyone was ok. about ten or fifteen more came in and out in the next hour and a half. it's a genuine community.

i've talked to more of my friends today than i have.... don't even know. jenna, lisa, kat and david all checked in. everything is more precious.

today is the first time in almost exactly a year that i've tried using my phone service. last phone call i made was apparently september seventeenth last year. i want to talk to my father. my sister. i want to hug jenna and lisa, who are within walking distance of the pentagon right now in jenna's apartment. thank god they're ok. i just want this not to be personal. i don't want to know anyone who has died. i don't want to know any friends who have people who died. i want immunity.

i want time to think. i want to stop thinking. i want to talk. i have too much and nothing to say.
posted by Unknown at 1:36 PM