so tired. don't know why. i think my soul is tired today. what a cheesy sounding concept. eh, can't explain it otherwise. haven't really completely cleared fall break with beth, and wondering now... i think i can't do it online anymore because it's supposed to be ten days in advance. argh. should i go through with it? i feel so withdrawn from everyone now. can i go through with it? how much do i have in my checking account anyhow? why can i never talk to my sister, and why don't i have any of my paychecks from this summer? to do that much work and get only a third of what i should have... urgh.

tomorrow should be the first meeting of sound services. it was supposed to be last tuesday, but that sort of flew out the window when they essentially closed campus that day. i'll be happy to get more involved, i think. i'm not sure. i want this year to be over with all of a sudden. i don't know why. what's wrong with me? i love school. i guess i'm just sick of being a child, which is what i feel like still at times. i wish..... how many lists of wishes are there floating around in my mind, anyhow? who needs another?

today was so useless, for the most part, anyhow. i had a lesson today in which almost the only thing i did was sight read. comparatively it wasn't bad sight reading, maybe. the khatchaturian is a bit too hard to actually read, so i rather butchered it a bit, but damn, i kicked on the ginastera flute and oboe duet, plus i've already found someone interested in playing it with me. i hope this works out, because the piece is really spiffy. damn, now that's a strong statement of feeling. spiffy.

my already diverse and slightly odd musical taste is being further broadened. i'm currently alternating between gl's power metal and morde'an's voltaire and james. who can describe the genre of voltaire, anyhow? but it seems to me at this point that if anyone has a favourite music and they introduce me to it, i always like it. maybe it isn't just the music, maybe it's the passion from the people who are listening to it. i don't know. maybe i just listen to too much. maybe i really do have bad taste and i should discriminate more. even if that is the case, though, i don't care. i'm happy being pleased with music.

can't see straight. can't keep my head up. why am i so damned tired all the time? trying to remedy that now, not that seven and a half hours will really help all that much. g'night.
posted by Unknown at 9:35 PM