i've been such a dipstick this weekend. i let down two people today... although i begin to wonder if they care either. we missed rehearsal on friday because our illustrious leader didn't show up. today i realized at two fifteen that rehearsal was at twelve... but i got no messages or contact at all... i wonder why i'm doing this group. it's going to be endless frustration if none of us are really interested.

i'm dead tired now. had enough energy all day despite two hours of sleep, but it's completely run out now. got up at nine thirty or so to go back over to cara, adam and suz's to see a movie. the graduate. i cannot deal with this sort of film. i can't ever watch it again. i couldn't keep silent throughout the movie. i kept asking everyone to make it die. why?? gah, i hate it when the main characters are embarrassing or psychotic. i always try to identify with protagonists, and when you make them so.... scary! this guy... gah! and then the girl still marries this creepy guy who stalks her? what?? wanted the movie to Go Away, but that wasn't happening. well, so now i've seen a great american classic and if this is the good bit of the movie world then i'm even more justified in having no interest than i thought i was.

so after yesterday's dinner invite i reciprocated and invited cara, adam, morde'an, karen and anyone else, really, to have dinner with me. only had four people, but made three quiches. now i have insane amounts of quiche sitting in the fridge. plus tuesday is cooking again since i have to get rid of these bloody lentils. you can't eat lentils. they just keep coming. they are infinite somehow. i bought forty cents worth of lentils and we've gotten five meals out of them already, plus i have enough left still to make lentil soup for maybe five. this is insane.

worked on a dvorak violin romanze today for tomorrow's lesson. sooo nice. unfortunately it does violiny things and i need to transcribe this thing as i'm not doing well at reading with all the oddnesses... double and triple stops, finger markings, notes in octaves i can't play.... beautiful piece, though. *sigh* i feel aimless though. not much new to work on. how many times can i go over the mozart? this is too easy. but berio is too hard. why is there no middle ground here? i need more material.

i need sleep. *gurgle* i feel vaguely ill and my eyes are dying. g'night.
posted by Unknown at 9:38 PM