well, only one day left. and all of it will consist of me packing, i'm sure. not sure if that makes things better or worse.

i spent a few hours today picking through my closet. want to bring only what i'll wear. so i had to try on everything. at which point i realized that i haven't lost that much weight, but it's just enough to make everything i own look incredibly stupid on me. *sigh* everything which i used to wear all the time is now really not a good option, so i'm scanning the unknown depths of my closet and trying to find things that fit. now i know why i didn't throw all this away earlier.

so tomorrow's going to be fun-filled and techno-filled in an attempt to keep moving for hours sorting all this crap that i never unpacked in the first place. meanwhile, i've been using that as some sort of excuse to be in denial by saying that i don't need to repack it, so i'm already half way done! *stupid, fake-looking smile* riiight. meanwhile, i don't want to brave the dangers of the garage with all mom's excess plumbing things in there as well as an extra refrigerator, if i recall correctly. things are weird in your house when your mother is both jewish and a landlady. my only guess is that she found a refrigerator on sale and she's saving it until one of her tenants has his or hers break down. i think she has a tv in there, too. she prolly thinks that if i move out on my own i'll want it. little does she know that i refuse to own a tv.

oh, so mom was wathching this program on oprah (i really wanted to make that word "opera," but damn it, my mom is not that cultured.) today about saving money. i happened to be downstairs, so i caught some of it intermixed with mom telling me about how she thinks they're right, how she does these things, and what she finds to be invaluable advice that she repeats to me verbatim so that she can be sure i'll notice... right. *sigh* meanwhile, i'm thinking to myself, "this from the woman who admitted her phone bill was seven hundred dollars this past month." i'm awful.

honestly, though, she's all self-righteously telling me about living beyond my means, etc... ok, so i had to borrow money from my sister this summer... bceause i was working part time at k mart. hello? what do i spend money on? right. meanwhile, i pointed out my mom's clothing addiction (she has over two closet's worth, now) and she discounted it, saying it didn't matter since all the stuff is so cheap. news for you: you tell me you go once or twice a week--even if you only spend ten dollars or so each time you're looking at expenditures of about five hundred to a thousand dollars a year. on clothes. which aren't going to fit you soon since you're so obsessive about losing weight. wake up!

*sigh* i'm tired, and i'm sure i'll be up all of tomorrow, possibly not sleeping until dad and i set off on the long trek. bleh. we'll prolly do seven hours tomorrow, then the other two saturday along with unpacking, packing things i stored, getting cinder blocks and other essentials like soap.... it's going to be a long weekend. and i'm betting auditions are on monday. i'm going to die. gah.

my stomach is going to fall out thinking about auditions. i was much more prepared last year, since i spent half the summer running over to the practice rooms at GWU and going through all my hardest stuff.... practicing in utah in the basement and having to have legend out of the way all the time... well, let's just say that conditions didn't inspire me as much. i also had nothing new to study since i had no money to order it until a few weeks ago. gah. i didn't even get a new étude book. i'm going to die. and my piccolo is worse than ever. i'm never going to get into orchestra again. i'm going to be beaten out by a sophomore and i'm going to cry. if i believed in that sort of thing, now would be my time to start praying. it'll all work out. yeah. i hope.

ok, so i'm giving up on posting for tonight... be back tomorrow, i guess.
posted by Unknown at 12:44 AM