well, i'm being all thrillingly moodswingy again, as today i'm in a perfectly fine mood. of course i went out of my way not to see my mother for almost all of the day, so that might explain it.

today i decided that i can't find out who i am because it's like trying to capture water from a waterfall. just moves too quickly, there's too much of it, etc. so instead i want to find what i'm like at ground zero. as if i climbed up to the top of the falls. i'm assuming this is somhow easier/more feasible. right.

all my thoughts revolve around who i miss right now. spoke with julia today. miss her. and jenna. miss her muchly. this is all just useless. things aren't progressing at all over here and i just want time to move.

then i was thinking about how odd it will be to get back to school and then find that susan, adam and cara don't live with us anymore. it's all so sad. and i won't even see suz and cara for half the year each because of student teaching. *sigh* nothing's the same anymore, and nothing is better. just a slow degradation of the best there ever was. damn, i'm really not in a bad mood, either. it's just that things don't seem all nice and new and shiny anymore. urgh.

i had an odd dream last night. about acceptance, i think. oddly i was more a peripheral figure, but i wonder if it wasn't supposed to more apply to me anyhow. and i think to some extent i've taken whatever message it was to heart, as i seem to be more at peace with what is today. i just have a vague misting of melancholia. pathetic, really.

i should get to bed early and have tomorrow come all the sooner and just get through the next few days. saturday i'll get to see morde'an and karen and heavens knows who else. it'll be good then. i hate living for the future, but damn, the present ain't so hot right now. maybe i can get away with spending tomorrow in borders. g'night.
posted by Unknown at 11:39 PM