ok, so we all like to defy convention, right? it's fun. you're just being *you*! not a copycat like the others. you're asserting your independence. you feel like you're strong and unique and blah blah blah, right?

maybe your friends do it, too. you all band together and bravely you thumb your nose at the world. you are a *group* of *individuals*. strong and proud, right? well then what? do you have to defy convention in order to fit into your group? now it's gotten to the point where you've got your own seperate convention of defying convention.

so in my life we're at that stage now with shaving our legs, and i've just defied convention by refusing to defy convention because damn it, i like shaving my legs. it makes me feel cleaner. plus it feels so damned cool to have all the dead skin gone and then put jeans on. i realized as i was taking my insanely late night shower that it's almost more brave for me to actually shave now, because my friends at school (morde'an, suz, abigail, cara...) all have stopped doing it almost aggressively. irony anyone?

we've created a seperate institution to rebel against the institution. i feel superfluous. wait, but i'm not, since maybe i can start a third institution to defy both of the first two: those who shave their legs to conform, and those who refuse to shave their legs to conform. of course soon this goes the vizzini route and everyone's conforming or not conforming like mad, but you can no longer tell since it goes in an endless cycle of rebellion, acceptance, ignorance and finally laziness when we all just give up. ok, so that was my random shower thought for today.

damn. i organized everything in the process of packing and discovered that i have managed to leave deep forest's third album, comparsa, in utah, and i've also managed to lose my love and rockets cd entirely! :( blergh. i should have expected this, though, to some extent. plus i ripped half the deep forest and a third of the love and rockets to mp3 anyhow. i just don't listen to actual cds as much anymore.

urgh. i should be ready to go. i'm not. i don't know how to fix it. there's just... stuff. all over. it's just... stuff. i feel like putting it in boxes will make it harder to get it in the car, but if i don't put it in *something,* then it's just... stuff. gah. don't want to look, mommy. it's scaring me.

ok. must step away from the computer and organize. then, heaven help me, i'll have to put the computer away. *shudder shudder quake* i'll have to leave it in its nice little box for a day or so while i travel. *look of panic* aah!

i really don't feel up to this trip. although that's prolly just a reflection of the fact that it's almost four am, and i finally managed to make my second meal of the day (spinach omelette--whoopdee) and it made me nauseous. if i don't get back to school soon my health is going to go off the deep end. isn't it odd to consider that i'm doing better with college dining halls than i am with stuff from home? but there's a reason for that: we're mainly stocked up in bacon, fake iced tea, cheese and expired yoghurt over here. gah. you know you're in bad shape when you look forward to campus food.

so the trip and the packing will be no fun, but as soon as i get settled in.... i want to go visit lisa, anna, liz, adam, amanda, kerry, rich, nicole, joy, gina, sarah, chrissy, manders, amy, vicki, karen, becca, jamie, marielle, tim, aaron, sam, lauren, leeann, cara.... and i want to get over to mason to practice a bit, and i want to sit outside for a bit and i want to meet the new hallmates and.... and i'm going to explode in a day and a half. :) aah!! i can finally allow myself to remember why i wanted to get back to school so much. i can hardly wait.

but i really must get off the computer and get on to the torture. bleh. organization for the sole purpose of transportatoin. oh well. maybe if i get started soon i can take an hour nap before i go. :) good thing i'm not driving. g'night.
posted by Unknown at 1:03 AM