my personal relationship theory (because i tend to take slow showers and i think too much.)

i was considering friendships and relationships in general and came to the conclusion that i believe that our friendships are dependent not so much upon who we are friends with, but who we become due to our relations with these people. i've always felt that as many selves exist as people who know us, as each person has a concept of our identity which is, at least to some extent, a part of who we really are. this means that as we meet more people we have the chance to find better and better selves.

i find myself thinking that the people i most enjoy spending time with are the people with whom i am the best version of me. i value my friends for certain characteristics, all of which just happen to be things i wish i were more capable of myself. i think that i try to emulate those i admire and therefore progress. the thing is that this is only sometimes the whole explanation. there are some people who have no particular distinguishable quality, but somehow make me feel like i'm a better person just because they're there. there are some with whom i feel that i'm free to just be myself, and amazingly i start to think it's a good thing. depressingly enough i haven't seen any of the people who make me feel this way in months, so i'm not happy.

i also note that relationships are never stagnant, and i think that just by the very nature of the existence of the relationships i search for , i'm trying for them not to be stagnant. if i honestly do value people for characteristics i wish i could learn, then i should slowly be changing to be more like my friends in various ways. (this actually suggests an interesting idea: i'm friends with so many people because i have a lot to work on. =Þ) hopefully this would mean that relationships should tend to get better over time as you should eventually have more in common. or is that a strength?

in some ways this can help explain in romantic relationships the concept of "opposites attract," because then you are by definition looking for someone with characteristics you lack. of course this only works in terms of admirable traits, as i find in general that when i value traits in myself my friends don't often exhibit the opposite. i think that people who are incapable of my strengths generally don't get along well with me.

of course this only constitutes part of the equation, especially in romantic terms it isn't enough, because living with people is quite difficult. a point which is constantly made clear to me by my family. *sigh*

anyone feel like informing me who i'm copycatting unbeknownst to myself since i don't study this field? :)


posted by Unknown at 8:15 PM