just by the by... yes, i talk too much. it's my besetting sin, or what have you. but honestly... this isn't here for you to read it. if you do, personally i'm of the opinion that you're showing poor judgment. :)

in any case... i suppose lately i've been too happy for this to actually become what the original intent made it out to be: a productive release of negative energy. with a bonus that i can then see what i'm thinking. i never keep things within my own head for long. it lacks any sort of handle if it's generated in my head and it stays there. my memory is good, but won't stand for that sort of thing. in any case, of late i've been so happy that i've eliminated the first part of the equation. now i think i'm doing it partially for constancy, because i've never been thrillingly good at that, and i feel that developing that as a possibility for me, if not a skill, certainly wouldn't go amiss.

i suppose also that this is a way for me to attempt not to have my brain on total shut down while i'm engaged in lazy summer/menial k mart work mode. of course i should technically write properly with grammar and whatnot, but then i think i'd end up having this all be in essay form and i'd shoot myself.

ick. it just occurred to me what the other reason is that i do this. and why i do it late at night. i never get to talk to people much anymore. or it seems that way to me. i think this is my surrogate for actual arguments with actual people. bleh on that. i need to get back to school *now,* before i go utterly mad.

i'm pleased that i actually set aside a decent amount of time to practice today. maybe only an hour and a half, really, but i'm not sure i was up for more than that. my fingers were a bit stiff after an hour and i'm not happy with that. i think i really need to get back into the swing of things. on the upside, though, my muscles are apparently in excellent shape, and i had good control and whatnot today and could have kept going if not for my fingers. this is also a bad thing, though... if i were really up to the level of playing i want to be at then i'd never be able to take a five day break and have it not be an issue. blargh on me for never being happy with anything.

wait, that was a blatant lie if ever i saw one. i'm happy with a lot of things that no one else would be, i think. i just can't be happy with something if it has to do with my accomplishments and/or responsibilities. well, not *can't,* exactly. it just doesn't happen much.

i just want to be back at school outside behind mcginnies playing frisbee on a nice day. i love to be outside, and i'd like to go just lay down on the grass and relax a bit... i've done that here. or tried. but everything is so dry here. the grass is prickly. there aren't many trees. it's sad, really. i can't remember if i'm supposed to be a water person or an air person according to all those silly horoscope things... both would fit, really. ah. i see i'm an air person. "adaptable" they tell me. hmm. yes, probably so. although they say that water signs are emotional, and heavens knows that would fit me all too well just the same.

hmm. this has just caused me to get distracted and get a "free profile" of who i'm supposed to be merely because of my birth date. most of it is correct, actually, but for one enormous error: "You prefer sharing and doing things together rather than
on your own. Being alone feels very unnatural to you..." maybe the first sentence works *usually,* but the second... pretty incorrect. well. see now i'm legitimizing. it is true over time. but i don't deal well with not being alone, either. *shrug* wow. this has a lot of bs tagged on here. "karmic tasks for this lifetime," eh? ^_^ they've even got a section on the astrological sign's relation to technology. dear word i'm amused.

it looks like i'm very much a libra with the exception of the alone bs. oh, and i'm supposed to spend extravagantly. hmm. yes, that certainly falls slightly flat. and they want me to be incredibly charming and social. hmm... that almost works, but seemingly against my will. :)

their vague assessment of librans: "You're romantic but particular, diplomatic but indecisive, but ultimately happiest when you're in love. You don't really like to be alone, period. You abhor conflict, and have a highly developed sense of objectivity and conflict resolution."

they say a lot about librans having empathy and whatnot, which i've always felt was the case... they also say that a lot of weight is placed on other's opinions... i can't deny that either, although i'd want to. emphasis on intellectualism as well as beauty/aesthetics is right on, but this line... "You also have an instinctive rapport with animals, and may feel you relate better to them than to people!" goes above and beyond dubious. well, i guess that it does generally work out being half right and half skewed. eh, that's not that bad for a hokey thing like horoscopes.

"Those born under this Sign are attractive and charismatic, and as a result, are accustomed to having things come to them rather easily." i'm so amused. why didn't i ever know i was charismatic? i thought i was merely freakish and off-putting. :) and yes, by all means things are just tumbling into my lap. perhaps they are. well, as a final thought here's the part that actually fits.:

You instinctively understand the need to accommodate other peoples' interests and desires, and you are always fair and willing to meet the other person half way. You also have a strong need for beautiful, harmonious surroundings and a natural sense of artistic style and grace, which is reflected in the way you dress, furnish and arrange your home and workspace, etc. You have good mental concentration and the ability to become completely immersed in your work. You seem to know things at an instinctive, nonverbal level and prefer learning through direct experience or apprenticeship rather than vicariously via books or lectures. You have mechanical ability and work well with your hands. You tend to become narrowly focused upon your own specialized interests and may not have much to say or communicate outside that field.

eh, so out of a page and a half i end up with six sentences that ring true. hmm. *shrug* well, i think does it for now. g'night.
posted by Unknown at 1:59 AM