i've gotten my happiness back for some inexplicable reason. i worked with the biggest jerk
ever today... didn't realize until now why no one likes her... but it didn't bother me.
*grin* she was really nasty. she wanted me to help her do her job, but asked me only a
third of the way into the shift. um. no, i'm not done with my three departments yet,
thanks. anyhow, she asked me another two times and implied that i was obviously a poor
worker for not being done in half the time allotted. *snerk* and yet you're asking me for
help? foolish mortals.

in any case, amanda and i ended up basically finishing up
her last department for her while she disappeared for twenty minutes or so. where did she
go? apparently "outside." my guess is she's a smoker. she thinks she's punk, so i wouldn't
be surprised. in any case, she also managed to insult me two more times, but what she
chose were two things that i really can't find bothersome. first she commented that it was
hard to keep her wardrobe from getting expensive. i replied i had no difficulties, and
largely i spend, what, maybe thirty dollars a year on clothes? she replied "well, i just
*have* to wear fashionable clothes!" after which i grinned like a wolf and replied "thank
you!" with endless dignity. she then acted as though she hadn't meant it that way.
*grin*

the second insult was even better actually, and really does illustrate how
your own insecurities are pawned off on others. she criticized my hair. *humongous
grin* she was commenting on how it's a pain to do in the morning blah blah blah.... and at
one point she said that if she didn't use however much pomade and whatnot, then her hair
would be as frizzy as mine is. *insanely large grin* lemme just say that number one, my
hair isn't frizzy much, number two, her hair was stringy and obviously gelled, number
three, at least mine is a real colour. *snerk* i don't need to comment on other's lacks or
imagined lacks because really, i'm just not capable of being that petty. i find it so funny
that she even tries.

oh, so after amanda and i finished pretty much doing her last
department for her, she starts talking to gina in jewelry, who's really pretty nice. she's
whinging at gina, actually. about our boss, robin. because she continually is chewed out
for not working. umm. yes, this is a surprise to you because? and then she calls robin
"that cow," which i find amusing since robin looks about twenty five and you'd think she's
a cheerleader. i just love people like this! they're so damned funny. petty people are
great to laugh at. ooh, i'm a bad person. but i tried to be nice to her. i just felt the need
to vent a bit afterward. oh, and irony in her implying i'm a bad worker when i've never had
so much as a bad report in all the time i've ever been employed
anywhere?

meanwhile, it's fun being in utah and seeing all the people who want
to be hard core or punk. doesn't work in utah. too funny. you get looked at askew for
sleeveless tops, and these people are attempting to rebel... this girl on the bus today....
smoking at the bus stop, wearing really completely inoffensive clothing, but trying to look
all bad.... with this perfect haircut to the shoulder with cute bangs. *grin* and not even
dyed blue or some other funky colour. maybe you can be punk in utah, but not in utah
county, for sure. these people have nothing to go on, i think. i feel like i'm almost an
authority here on deviant behaviour comparatively. wow, i'm engaged in full mock mode
today. bad me.

anyhow, i think maybe the reason i'm in such a good mood is the
start of my day. finally had the apartment to myself in the morning. i like that. dunno
why, but i prefer getting ready alone. *shrug* in any case, i headed off to the bus stop as
i do every other day of work, unconcerned. i reached the last block before the bus stop
when i suddenly realized i wasn't sure if i had enough money for the ride. hm... i check.
eighty cents. aah! no time to go back. hmm. crud. thought maybe i'd beg the bus driver
for twenty cents. ughh. what options do i have? not many.

so i arrive at the bus
stop. usually i'm the only one there. today, though, there is a young woman who looks
close to my age. i thoroughly search my bookbag in front of her, partially to double check
i have no more change, and partially to set up my begging. =Þ so i ask her if she has a
spare twenty cents.... she tells me that coincidentally she has exactly twenty cents extra.
she realized as she was leaving that she was slightly short, she grabbed some change from
the counter as she left and ended up exactly twenty cents over. plus she never takes the
bus. her car went into the shop just last night. not good for her, but quite the lucky
coincidence for me. i thanked her profusely, of course.

it just seemed all so
fortuitous. i don't know, made me happy somehow. which isn't to say that i'm not still
counting down the days...

i don't like long island. i'm somewhat fond of it
anyhow. i'm not really thrilled with new york, but i love it. *grin* yup, i'm weird.
anyhow, so i'll be happy to be home, i think. i miss civilization, because there is none here.
and people's attitudes... it's a nice change, but i'm not really into it. jamie says she wants
my email before i go. *grin* weirdo liberal girl has befriended a mormon. she's really
nice, though.

religion shouldn't ever really come into friendships, i think. unless
your morality is completely opposed to mine, i could care less if you're searching for
heaven, nirvana or a better rebirth. hmm. which sounded wrong. i have much respect for
people who are religious, because i think it shows strong convictions. which i suppose i
have too, but not so much in that area. or maybe i do, but they don't especially conform
well enough to one ideology to make me look religious.

i find that there are many
strongly religious people who are quite admirable, but at the same time my best friends
largely seem to be unaffiliated. or close to it. jenna, lisa, debi, essena, julia and kat all
have little religious fervor, and cara and morde'an are both unitarian universalists, plus
they don't really make a big deal out if it anyhow... leaving me with.... susan and gina. i
guess i tend to have a lot of different ideas than they do, but somehow it doesn't
matter.

friendship isn't about looking for the wrongs or differences or things to
correct. it's about being and loving and sharing. simply being is such a strong and wise
thing. yes, i'm thinking about taoism too much. but just being around my friends is
enough, even without speaking. i wish everyone could appreciate others as much as i do.
i never realized that my attitude wasn't common, but looking around it doesn't seem to be.
possibly this is because i didn't have friends for a long time, and i've learned how
wonderful people can be and how much i really need them.

that being said, i
obviously don't want to enshrine all of humanity, and there are some people whom i feel
are just sadly misled. but i have no right to condemn them, either, though it's hard to hold
back. as long as i'm not omniscient i can still be wrong and i still have to resist judgment.
plus i'm supposed to be attempting to be a better taoist.

damn, i feel like i'm too
shallow to follow the tao. too many overly profound stories... asian culture seems to
revere intelligence more than ours, so these stories all just laud people for being so all fired
wise and knowledgeable for the most part... except that then they'll also praise the
simple... it seems like taoism should be so easy, but then at the same time it also seems
ungraspable. i think i'm too preoccupied with the unimportant to really embrace much of
anything that calm. bleh on me and my worries which amount to nothing.

all i
need now is to market little bracelets, watches, bumper stickers, etc. that say, title="what would the yellow emperor do?">"wwtyed?" *grin* oh the irony inherent
in that idea. niiice. *grin*

eh, so i suppose now would be a good time to head
off to bed. g'night.
posted by Unknown at 1:41 AM