i have a fundamentally good nature. i've known people who out do me, but really, i'm fairly nice. i've been doing whatever debi asks of me. i've been cooking all her food. i make her salad to take to work. today i get to make another salad, cut up celery, hard boil some eggs, and make a veggie dip. i am good natured. however. things will begin to get to me after a while.
day four of k mart. if you do not work at k mart, then most probably you are under them impression that shirts and clothing in general can be fit into two categories: folded and not folded. as an employee of the most wonderful k mart corporation, i can tell you there is a third state. "quasi-folded." in this phase of shirt life, it seems to an unpracticed eye that the shirt is folded and is sitting neatly on the table. in reality, we know the shirt is undermining the whole foundation of our k mart and eating away at its cleanliness and even its friendliness. bah.
the thing is that people take all these folded shirts on our tables and pick them up. they look at them. they fuddle with them. *almost no one ever tries one on!* if they did, we'd have them back in the fitting room, and we'd know that we'd have an easy problem to solve. nooo. they just *pick them up!* the end result is that half the shirts are sloppy, half are completely unfolded and there's another, much more insidious half... (yes, there are three halves: there are just *that* many shirts at k mart.) this half is the quasi folded half. these are the shirts that the customers have fuddled with, then *pretended* to put back neatly.
slowly... slowly... the incredible number of these shirts eats away at your soul. soon you are left screaming in agony in the middle of the display floor, "did you even *need* to look at this shirt?!?! it's striped lime green and maroon!!! why pick it up in the first place?! are you all bloody lunatics?!?!" ok, so no, it isn't that bad, but today i almost lost my temper with a display of t shirts. hum. we need more than six hours of sleep, is the conclusion.
really, though. not all k mart clothing is ugly, but sometimes we wonder about these things. were you aware that you can purchase tube tops at k mart? with the kind of people we get in that store, i think it's a major tactical error to market tube tops. bad!! *shudder*
might i also add that i would have thought in utah there wouldn't be many people who didn't speak english. all of the people who speak naught but spanish head immediately for the shoe department which is *next* to my department, but about which i know nothing, and immediately ask for things in sizes that don't seem to exist. oh, and might i add that they return frequently. and they bring friends. who also don't speak english. but they pretend that the more people there are, the more coherent things become. um.... no.
i have absolutely nothing against people who don't speak english. i'd almost rather be one myself. only problem is that we don't seem to actually have associates in the shoe department, which leaves me with a lot of head nodding and exaggerated shoulder shrugging gestures while i listen to people say "quintze!" or something like that. we don't want your large-footed, freaky selves in here!!! we are k mart! we market to those of completely normal foot size! get out! OUT!!
pardon me, i think i'm being me at the moment. always a mistake. hold on while i attempt to rectify the matter.
ahem. yes. well, so today was fairly good. i proved yet again that i become an utter ditz without warning if i feel at all nervous or unsure of myself. i wish k mart had a different set up. it's all by brands. no one want to know where the kathy ireland line is, for heavens sakes. they want a pair of black pants. this is what normal people do! why couldn't we set up the store the way normal people shop??
anyhow, so what this means is that i get questions of "where can i find a skirt that looks like such and such" and my answer is, "either there, there, down that aisle, there, or, heaven help you, in clearance, in which case i hope you have a spare hour or so to figure that out."
i have a love-hate relationship with the clearance racks. on one hand, if you have something that is completely unidentifiable, is one of a kind, is not recognizable as a garment, etc, then putting it on a clearance rack makes it look in place, and it's a safe bet that it is on clearance, because this is k mart, and bloody everything is on clearance. on the other hand, i'm also supposed to make the clearance rack look presentable. *gag* yeah, that happens.
meanwhile, the longer you stay in a situation, the more you begin to use relative values for that situation. in this case there is a very evil effect: i have begun to look at some of our clothes speculatively. "wow, this is almost attractive! look! it's only twelve bucks! i should get it!" *sandry whacks herself upside the head* no, you shouldn't get it. this is k mart. just because this garment lacks polka dots doesn't mean that it deserves to be in your wardrobe. also note that i cannot afford a twelve dollar garment, even if it was twenty eight originally.
today was even worse, because we stayed late to clean up the store, and we eventually all got forced into the pantry. (i should say the pantry department, or something like that, but i'm leaving that since it just looks odd. =Þ) this meant that i had a whole new department of things that i could use my new relative values on. not only that, but all the stuff is cheaper, and is actually more valid in terms of need. "wow! generic cereal is $1.50 a box! i'll have to get here early tomorrow and buy some! look! oregano! a whole jar for $1.19! i need oregano for my cooking! ooh! pasta is only fifty five cents!" *whap* stoppit!!
we do not shop at k mart unless there is some sort of dire threat. ok, so that's not true. i'm going to cave in tomorrow and buy cereal at least. but i need it. really. umm. well, i ran out of generic grape nuts. *whimper* argh. k mart is a vortex.
well, anyhow i won't see debs until thursday or friday now. she's leaving tomorrow and between her working and my working i'll manage to miss her entirely tomorrow. commence boredom.... NOW!
i''ve decided that i'm going to have a bloody party on wednesday, since it's the fourth, i'm not working, and i'm stuck here alone. no, i'm not literally having a party. maybe i'll have loud, obnoxious music, though. *grin* actually, i'm going to go and buy some stuff and i'm going to bake. i've been really wanting to, but i'm not going to make cookies or anything like that in front of debi since she really can't afford to eat that stuff. at this point i think i'm not in danger. for quite a while now i've been more health conscious than she has, and yet somehow she's the one losing weight. *shrug*
anyhow, debi's insanely high blood sugar last night seems to have been abnormal as she measured it again this morning and it dropped a hundred thirty whatever units they are. i'm hoping that this will force debi to actually take care of herself, but thus far it's looking like it's forcing me to take care of her upon her request. hum. at least she's trying, though. why am i so willing to do this crap for her?? i'm not really getting walked on or anything, but it's a little silly that the girl doesn't generally do as much as put ice and water in a cup for herself.
well, she is appreciative, and i think she'd do the same for me. maybe. ok, i'm not sure she'd do the same for me, but i've been doing it to some extent all my life, and i'm used to it. hey look, i can be trained. *snerk*
i should go to bed. i haven't been feeling tired at this hour, though. damn it! i don't this schedule. *sigh* it's two thirty am, and i haven't had dinner yet. well, i had some spinach. talk about your bizarre midnight snacks. of course i hadn't discovered something it was actually feasible for me to have for dinner until just now.
vegetarian vegetable soup. with whole grain bread. and i'm adding broccoli to it, because i don't think there are enough vegetables in it. *brief pause* *sandry smacks herself again* lunch was rice and beans. what i am eating is so healthy that it sounds like a joke. i've been having this sort of diet for at least a couple months now. i ought to be bloody burgeoning with health. i think now that i won't get diabetes because my normal diet seems to consist of less sugar than debs' new diet.
i'm hoping that i'm one of the twenty five percent, though. one of the few who has a sister with diabetes, but misses entirely. i don't want genetic predisposition to more illnesses, thank you. i despise taking medicine, and i'm not much on doctors. i figure i've got my one issue, poly cyctic ovary, and that's all that i'm up for, thank you. not that it's interfering much in my life, i guess. ok, so i'm stuck popping birth control pills, which i found rather embarrassing at first, but it's not much affecting my life. the only thing is that i wonder how long i should really be on medication like this. it has massive effects on hormonal aspects of my body (which would make sense since that would be how to solve my problem in the first place) and i rather doubt that it's good for me in the end. although dr. gibstein did say that it decreased chance of ovarian cancer. well he also said that there was another fix for my problem: get pregnant. umm. yeah.
i never really liked the answers he gave me. didn't seem complete enough. i want to talk to someone else about it, and i've read a few things on the internet. what i was getting from there is that my problem is related to insulin. interesting, since my family now has quite the number of diabetics. it was suggested that diet could eliminate the cause of the issue, instead of mucking about with drugs which only fix the symptoms or results of the issue. i really should talk to someone about this, but i don't want to involve my parents since they don't seem to take these things seriously or well.
last summer i was practicing a lot more than this summer, and i started getting shots of numbness down my right arm. scared me absolutely witless. two very good friends of mine from the music program have tendonitis that has put part of their courses on hold, and i know more people who have had to drop their major because of it. i asked my mother what to do about it, and she told me that i wasn't to worry because it just could not be tendonitis--i'm too young. gina wasn't too young. she couldn't play violin for months. julia wasn't too young. she almost had to give up guitar entirely. sarita wasn't too young. she only got through one semester freshman year before having to drop her piano major.
i explained this to her. i explained how important it is. it is not something that can be blown off. it is my bloody career. mom still insisted that i was being melodramatic and that it couldn't be anything at all. ok, i'm emotional, but i'm not irrational, and i'm not being bloody melobloodyfirggingdramatic. you have *no* medical authority! at this point i just keep wanting to tell her to shut the hell up. i now have an utter lack of respect for her. she thinks she's automatically entitled by being my mother. news to you, you aren't a worthy mother.
i think i've formalized a decision i had already been toying with. it is no longer my mother's right to know exactly what is going on in my life since all her attempts at help jeopardize my situation, and her nagging makes me sick, literally. you aren't helping me, and you aren't even capable of understanding what is important in my life. get out. i volunteer information that she doesn't really have to know about, then i get attacked for it. no more. i'm hardly even financially dependent on her anymore. she's spending maybe five hundred dollars on my tuition and three hundred on my books. i could get a loan of eight hundred more and completely get rid of her, if i had to. i don't want to be dependent on her anymore, because i can't be subordinate to her. i have to put my own path in front of me, and she doesn't quite seem to want that. or she thinks i should want a different path.
she isn't malicious, though. it's just odd. debi had an excellent analogy for it. mom wants to help us. when debi was having hard times mom was especially interested in helping her. to the point where it got debilitating. debi's analogy. "i'm going down stream in a rowboat. i need to row upstream, and it's an effort. you want to help with that effort because you want me to make it. you're trying to get in the rowboat and row with me. what you're missing here is that it's a one person rowboat, and you're making it sink."
mom was harassing debi about her diet and other things again today. mom was harassing debi about debi having anxiety about her diabetes. your harassment is *not* providing her with less anxiety.
really it's so stupid it's almost comic. we laugh at my mother a lot. all the crises of the past make hysterical anecdotes. the devil dog story has become infamous.
really, though. how can you not laugh when you have heart rending distress brought about by frozen chicken parts? honest! mom and i got into a screaming argument over chicken. in front of jenna and lisa, who had just gotten there and were to be guests for a few days. my life is surreal.
damn, i'm just so happy not to be home. well, i should go and make debi's salad and whatnot. damn it all, it's three thirty, i'm not tired, and i'm about to start chopping veggies. now i know why late shift sucks. good night.
posted by Unknown at 2:45 AM