i finally got the stereo back in the living room and plugged in. it's amazing how much good a little music does for my mood. i finally even moved it so that i can fuddle with it while still sitting at the computer. yes, i'm just that lazy. been listening to poe for the past few hours. *sigh* i really love music i can sing with, and i'm really fond of her stuff. which is odd, since i don't have much else in my collection that sounds like this, but hello is one of my favourite cds. high enough on the list that i brought it to utah with me, an honour only attained by about fifteen cds.

now i know why the livejournal people always have that what i'm listening to section. seems always to be on my mind. well, doesn't work for claws, though, apparently. i was looking at hers today, and almost every time she posted an entry she happened not to have any music on. *grin* that wouldn't ever happen to me. at the very least there's something infecting my brain at almost any given moment. although sometimes what's in my head is spectacularly bad. like the velveeta commercial... or just last night.... i got a k mart commercial stuck in my head for most of the last hour of work. made me want to throw things. "check out our new selection of ladies shortalls and skirtalls...." what in the heck are those things, anyhow?? and it sounds *so* stupid. i have no respect for k mart advertising, really. *sigh*

i got a postcard kathryn sent to me from paris today. *shooting waves of envy* before she left she went through this bunch of commonly used phrases with me and recruited me for teaching her an accent. ha. like that would really work in a one hour or less session. she said in the card that people told her she sounded french--i'm thinking this has got to be a big time flirting attempt, since she looks like a model, and the french are like that.

wow. apparently this thing cost her four francs forty to send to me. that's rather a lot for a postcard. almost a dollar. hum, i'd have to check currencies to see exactly what the going rate is, but that's got to be pretty darned close to a dollar. for this piece of paper the size of a cd. hum. *shrug*

kat also said she got my birthday present, and it's something i wanted. oooh! i think i only asked her to look for two or three artists' cds. I'AM, assia and possibly jane fostin. if it's any of those three, i'm going to through hysterical fits and scream and rave for joy. wah! *huge grin* it's funny. i'm thinking to myself about it... "i'd love any of those. but especially assia. oh, but really especially I'AM, too. oh, but jane fostin's stuff is just my favourite..." *grin* i love music.

tomorrow is day two of three consecutive days of pointlessness and not working this week. whoo fun. i really hope that a) i can get my paycheck on friday and b) i can actually cash it someplace. otherwise things get messy, i think. argh. the last time i worked at k mart you could just get checks cashed at the bank of new york. please let that sort of thing be arranged here. *crosses fingers*

debi says we have to do laundry tomorrow. she's procrastinated from doing the laundry for two and a half weeks now. how does she have any clothes left? *shrug* actually mom sent her some shirts in the mail. i suspect that's the only reason debs is still wearing clean clothes. heh.

laundry is one of those odd things for me. i hate doing it because of all the hauling involved generally, but immediately after its done i feel quite content. i love having my whole wardrobe cleaning and having the choice of wearing whatever i want. i think it's because i like self-expression through outfits to some extent, and when you get to the end of the pile that just doesn't happen.

i should do something productive tomorrow. i should do something productive period. blah. wasting my life online. well no, i still won't say that. there are worse guilty pleasures one could have. and i'm actually thinking and learning to some extent. ok, not much, but here and there i find something. *sigh* i'm good at justifying what i want, aren't i? i seem to always have a ready excuse. aiee, how sad.

in any case, i should hopefully be up to practicing again tomorrow. couldn't today. the four splits in my lip from two days ago were still quite noticeable, and the two on my bottom lip actually ended up swelling slightly. *frown* not good. i think it's getting better though throughout the day. of course now that i'm thinking about it i'm testing my lip with my teeth. guaranteed to mess up any progress. that's just brilliant of me. argh. genius girl.

ok, so since my sister has discovered her diabetes, she has had to give up the sodas she really enjoys... she's been drinking nothing but water and fresca of late. now i'm sitting here looking at the fresca bottle... no carbohydrates in the soda. no calories. hardly any salt. what is actually in this? ah yes. aspartame. thrilling. i think debi must be drowning in aspartame by now. i'm sure this is all tremendously healthy, too.

i've often heard older people discuss how your health is everything. it's funny how the time in your life when you set up all of your health habits generally is a time of life in which you feel pretty much invincible and never give thought to these things. i wonder what the future holds for me in terms of wonderful health issues. the rest of my family hasn't done so well. and i'm prone to taking on stress and not dealing with it well. bad me.

aah! put my hand down and unexpectedly found legend already there. *mutters* don't want a dog. no dogs. never no. today he resumed one of my least favourite of his habits: licking my pants. why?? *sigh* no dogs. cats. *nodnod* considerations granted to other animals that don't lick me, scratch me, jump on me....

i'm tired and feeling unproductive, unworthwhile, and just lazy. bleh. i miss mason and late night practicing from ten until two or whatever. but it won't be any fun anymore next semester. essena's gone. *sigh* wow. orchestra just won't be the same. how awful. i need to write her. too bad i left the address at home.

i should be writing all of my friends. what holds me back? i'm just awful at writing things, and i'm not sure why. i think it ties in with my perfectionism somehow. i'm afraid to sound at all stupid, so i never actually manage to send out letters... this has been around in my thinking from elementary school. i never used to be able to write book reports, even in third grade. and current events in middle school. the only time i write well is when i have french assignments, actually. i think because i'm more worried about grammar and vocabulary than about content. someday i'm going to get over the perfectionism. of course then my playing will take a dive, i'm sure. hum. not like i'm playing perfectly now either. i wonder if it honestly would make a difference.

okay. up to last song on the album and i started the album over again just a bit after i started writing this. damn, but i sit here forever, staring blindly, close to falling asleep at the desk. why? i could change my routine and not be dead tired when writing this. i wonder if i find it easier to write now though, since i'm not as concerned about perfection and brilliance when i can't see straight. huh. and i thought i was a night owl. apparently i'm a lightweight.

i suppose also that if i changed my routine it might mess things up, and i've been pretty darned regular with this. i think that's partially what i was trying for. i've never been able to keep a diary or journal before, and i think having at least some routine in my life is somehow healthy or comforting. we discussed routine in sociology and how it causes us to ignore so much of life... we spent one class walking. mr. chipetine's an odd guy, and he wanted us to feel and appreciate the actual act of walking. we spent forty minutes in the courtyard walking at an extremely slow pace while we were supposed to be in a quasi meditative state. works well for most teens, i'm sure.

ok, i've overstayed the album. heh. good job on giving yourself a limit, dear. *yawn* well, now that i'm even closer to quasi dead, i think i'll finally give up on coming up with anything of interest. yeah, interest. right. g'night.
posted by Unknown at 2:13 AM