happy fourth of july. i did nothing patriotic today. i did nothing much at all today, actually. went shopping and made quiche, so that's two things i said i'd do.
i'm having a conversation with annenayne (yes, another bruncher) in irc now about careers, etc. what she's saying is really great. i started the conversation because she seems to be doing what she actually wants in life--acting. she says that i should just go for what i want. it sounds so good...
she also said that going out west is not necessary and i should go where i want to be. i hope i can... if i can find a roommate and afford to rent an apartment... has to be somewhere in new england. i just want to be away from things, but close enough to a city to make life feasible.
meanwhile, anne pointed out some things that should have been more obvious to me... like the possibility of playing theatre pit jobs. i want to do lessons, of course. if i can get set up even in a temp job, and get five or so students for lessons, then i should be able to afford living, no problem. i'm feeling really positive about this, actually. i'm feeling really positive about everything. :)
if i can make life reasonable and not leave the east, i'll be so happy. i could deal with almost anywhere in new england. and if i have to travel for work, that wouldn't bother me that much, either. i have a lot of tolerance for a lot of things, and if i have my freedom, then i'll be fairly happy regardless. i think i'm proving that now, since why would anyone else feel happy living in a basement apartment, having no social life, no friends in state, and working at k mart? if i can be happy here, i'll be more than happy back east.
i'm beginning to wonder if 'm a fundamentally happy person. i'd think it's because i'm free for the summer, but this isn't the first time i've been away for a summer and whatnot. hum. it's not change of scenery, because utah couldn't make anyone happy. maybe it's change in diet. maybe it's change in me.
it's funny... for the longest time i didn't really want to be happy. i felt as though it was superficial and it would make me a shallow person. somewhere down deep i was happy to be miserable, since i felt it had more meaning. man, i *love* laughing at myself. i'm hysterical. i think happiness won't mean i can't relate to others, or i'm not thinking, or i'm shallow... all it means is that i'm easier to get along with, and i'm healthier.
wow. i've been online for fourteen and a half hours today. i took a bit of a break and i read some, and i went to the store for a half hour, but by and large.... i really like the internet and whatnot too much. eek.
so today my friend, lisa, from school told me we have fifty four days left until school starts again. and i thought i was the only one who really wants to be back. at least i'm not to the point where i'm counting. =Þ i'll just be happy to see august come.
when i get home mom shouldn't really bother me much, since she'll have been deprived of my company and it'll take her a while to get sick of me. also, i've worked and whatnot, so she has no legitimate gripes. i'm thinking that by and large i'm just not going to really deal with her if possible. i'm going to pack for school, i'm going to read and i'm going to stay out of her way. i'm almost twenty one, and i won't even be dependent much longer.
oh my. scary thought. i'm going to have to fill out my taxes on my own soon. ew. i'm going to have to ask for advice on that for sure. i'm sure there are a lot of difficulties in living on your own. i understand personal responsibilities and getting the bills out on time, which seems to be my mom's rallying battle cry. i just don't see the issue. but maybe that's because i don't use credit cards. you get four bills or so for utilities and you pay the rent. period. there aren't that many complications if you live simply. i'm not going to be doing any major spending any time soon, and i have no issues with that.
she doesn't think i'm going to make it, i swear. but my mother's take on life doesn't fit mine. i don't require what she does. my mother has three closets filled with clothes. what i can fit in my suitcase is enough for me. my mother is spending so much time and money on beauty whatever for all her dating. this is a non-issue for me. (or almost.) i won't even have a tv, and my taste is not expensive. basically i'll have my sister's lifestyle, but i'll be spending less because i won't be smoking (geez, debs).
i'm just such an optimist. i can't even see myself failing in my goals. it's sort of nice, actually. i wonder how irrational it is? can't be that bad, actually, since everyone goes through this and most people make it. warm, happy, fuzzy thoughts of bright futures and successful endeavors will send me to my sleep. or i'll pick up a book again and be up until six. whatever. g'night.
posted by Unknown at 1:50 AM