another fun day of work. we were missing a person today, so two of us covered the whole department. i hate that. it's out of control. it went all right, mostly because we just ignored the entire mens department until tennish. *sigh* yet again i feel as though i'm doing entirely too much work for such a thankless and pointless job. plus i still haven't gotten paid, so i'm bitter. with that said, i have nothing to complain about as i'm not working again until saturday. i think i'll drop in on friday and get my bloody well overdue first paycheck, thank you muchly. tomorrow will be four weeks from when i started. i should bloody well have something to show for it by now.

i keep having this mental fascination with getting fired. i almost want to because then it would mean i'd stop working, but it wouldn't be my choice. as if that would somehow absolve me of guilt. the only thing is that i absolutely cannot afford to do this because i don't think i want that sort of thing on my employment record. i just want to get out with enough money to get by for the first bit of college, and hopefully i'll work at the library next semester. and maybe i'll get generous birthday gifts from relatives since twenty one is theoretically a big deal. or so one is told.

debi told me today that she's thankful that i'm here with her, and said she didn't know what she'd do without me. i think the fact that she expressed this sentiment means that she's getting better, as previous days have demonstrated that by the time eleven thirty rolls around and she picks me up from work, she is generally in so much pain that she isn't much civil. i didn't really know what to reply to her, but considering this conversation took place going about seventy five on the main highway with both windows open, i don't think my lack of response was much noted. heck, i didn't even hear all of the tail end of her speech.

theoretically one should be up early tomorrow as the carpet guy should be coming back and returning the apartment to normalcy. too bad, i've kind of gotten to like the floating floor. it's classy. or something like that.

legend will be pleased at any rate. when i go to bed he's been whinging so much that i can't figure out what to do. i keep moving him from one room to another in an attempt to placate him. last night i tried for a half hour to find a suitable arrangement before giving up out of apathy and exhaustion. i just didn't want debi to be awakened at that hour due to excessively loud whinging and some barking. plus that neat trick he was doing with all the oddball clicking sounds coming from the bathroom. haven't figured that one out yet.

i've been contemplating when i should leave k mart. i was thinking i should get the thursday before my departure as the last working day possible. that way i'd have the last weekend free, and i'd have time to pack. and really, who wants to drag this out any more than necessary? wish i had even a quasi meaningful job. *sigh* so i'm saying the ninth of august will be my last day... wow! that's only three more weeks. oh. jeez. that means i have to put in for leave next week. and i haven't gotten paid yet! how whacked out.

i guess time is flying. or comparatively. which is certainly good considering how bored i am of late. debi got out some more library books on her way back from work. i still haven't found where this library is, plus i have no card, so i can't take anything out anyhow... *sigh* in any case, debs got out a robin mckinley book, which i figure is quite probably worth my time. on the other hand, she also got out two or three romance novels. i don't understand that. my sister is in a relationship and as far as i know is certainly not celibate. why does she still read that stuff? i thought it was for lonely housewives or something. *shrug*

oh. more randomness... apparently i don't look my age. today i was working with this other girl, tori. she asked me if i was still in high school. i told her i was going into my last year in college, and she was taken aback. she asked me my age. she seemed extremely shocked when i told her. i suggested that perhaps i looked sixteen, and she seemed to agree with that when i thought i was being sarcastic. of course it turns out she's sixteen, so that might affect her judgement. oh, and she looks older than i do, i think. but i think it's because she does makeup-y things.

i can understand wanting to look older when you're sixteen, but really whenever people do that, it doesn't look flattering even if it does add a look of maturity. somehow it looks all plasticky. a lot of people at work have that look. a tan that looks like it came from within a building.... hair that is obviously carefully gelled, styled, perhaps even coloured or permed... makeup that is a bit too obvious or in colours that i can't understand....

no wonder i was never good at being in the popular crowd. this is what they all did, and i can't bring myself to do it. i wear makeup on occasion, yes, but damned if i'm going to do it every day of my life. i'd like to think i don't need to do it, either. of course i seem to be supernormally lucky with my hair and face and whatnot. fussing and washing three times daily with odd soaps, or using odd hair serums doesn't seem to actually help at all, in any case, so i don't bother and i still look fairly normal.

my high school sociology teacher once discussed these gender beauty issues... he said that the amount of time the average female loses in a life time vs. male in terms of primping was probably somewhat contributing to difficulty in advancement in work and life in general. actually if you consider financial issues, too, it certainly is possible that all this idiocy leads to a lower standard of living. hmm. if one attempts to make it as a professional business woman, then one is probably spending hundreds of dollars per year on this stuff. always have to have proper looking nails, expensive haircuts, insane pricing on makeup... as compared with men who seem to be able to get away with murder in this society.

even in lower echelons of society there has to be some impact. well, unless you get to the weird homeless people who make signs that you can't understand and wait outside seemingly not begging for money, but trying to make some obscure political point that no one can follow because your sentences look like random mix and match. the weird old sign lady in georgetown has given me new perspective on the many kinds of weird you can find out there.

i'm not happy with this whole beauty arrangement. not like i'm doing well in following it anyhow, but i'd like to see all the guys out there have to put in the ridiculous effort we're all supposed to come up with, even for a week. it would be so enlightening. national male beauty week. sound good? let's go with the rest of nature and have the guys forced to adorn themselves with ridiculous, colourful idiocies while the females can sit back, dress in neutrals and watch the show. *grin*

ok, so that would be evil. but i'd love to see a whole bunch of guys confused as heck, stuck in a bathroom and trying to figure out how to use eyelash curlers, which to me have always looked like a medieval torture device. i want to see how many guys are brave enough to wave all this crap around their eyes as they try to define lashes, line eyes, and blend. *snerk* really, what an idiotic concept. "here, let put this pencil as close to my eye as i can possibly handle without blinding myself." *sigh* fashion is a stupid industry. oh. and curling irons. no. just no.

meanwhile, i actually enjoy putting on makeup on occasion, but i think it's yet another facet of me mocking myself. i do odd things with my makeup anyhow. no, silver is not a natural colour, but it matches my outfit. no. really. no. okay fine. it's a good thing i don't go through all of this very often, because when i do it's frightening. oh, and i never use hairdryers or any other stuff like that on my hair, regardless, so when i do try something with my hair, results are interesting.

last year i discovered a whole new way of curling hair completely by accident. i just got bored to death, actually. i was sitting audition desk for a few hours, and i decided that i'd tie all of my hair in knots to pass the time. end result was scary looking, and i think i might have single-handedly dissuaded some people from coming to my school. eek. later on i took the whole thing out and found that i looked like even more of a freak. note: when you have enough hair for three people, you do *not* want it to be curly.

volume? what's that? volume you say? do i need these oddball serums, sprays, mousses and mists? no. just curl my hair. suddenly it was four times the size of my head. meanwhile people thought it looked nice. damn it, this is not texas. get some taste people before i decide i need to leave society entirely.

ok, so that was mean, but one of my friends, aaron, seems to think i look better when my hair can't fit through a doorway. *shrug* some people are weird.

meanwhile, this is quite the long blather on something i thought i didn't even care about. hum. maybe i'm deluding myself and i secretly have this intense desire to be shallow, superficial and preoccupied with looks. *grin* whoo boy and it shows. yup, i'm only working at k mart for the snappy red vest which adds depth to anyone's wardrobe.

well, i guess i'm done with boredomfest for now. should have gone to sleep long ago, but i just have too much energy after work. *yawn* apparently that's not a problem now. g'night.
posted by Unknown at 2:21 AM