today was both "fun with public transport" day, and "let's see what an utter moron we can make of ourselves" day. i finally got a move on and dragged myself about three towns over to k mart. ooh, there's a reward. i had intended to ransack the area and apply anywhere that was walkable from the bus stop. i sort of failed. i got two applications and filled out one in the store--blockbuster has an electronic thing. only one problem.... i didn't bring my address with me, and unbeknownst to me, the phone number i brought with me isn't mine.
i guessed at the address on the blockbuster thing, and ended up being dyslexic about it. utah addresses are odd anyhow. i put 100 south and something or other east, but it's 100 east and something or other south, i think. oi. anyhow, that was only the beginning of problems.
i wanted to fill out the k mart application while i was in town and return it immediately, which i ended up being unable to do without an address. i decided to call debi to ask her. i did not call debi. the number i called was the number of her ex boyfriend, ian. eep.
the thing that made it worse was that i couldn't tell because there was a lot of external noise at the time. i was calling from a payphone outside of k mart right on a major roadway. conversation was pretty hard. "hello? is debi there?" " no, she--" *whooosh* *zoooom* "what? could you repeat that?" "sh--" *foooosh* "excuse me?" "she hasn't lived here in months." "oh my. i don't know how i ended up with this number. i'm so sorry." *click* ::deep breath:: "holy mother. holy mother, i just called ian. oh damn. oh no. oh good heavens, no. damn me. eek."
i always disliked ian anyhow. he was such a jerk. a pompous jerk. a pompous, spoiled jerk who doesn't understand the concept of personal responsibility. when he was in a relationship with my sister everything was her fault. if there was a problem in the relationship, then obviously it had to do with one of debi's inadequacies. little pompous prick. screw you. goes above and beyond no respect. he just disgusted me.
anyhow, what this all means is that i put ian's number down on the blockbuster application. needless to say this must be fixed asap. i'm going back tomorrow, notably with the correct address and number, and i'm going to tell them that i accidentally gave them the last place that debi lived. which incidentally is not a lie. except for my stupid attempt to give them the address off the top of my head. why do they need my address at this point anyhow? what, are they going to write me a possible acceptance? *snerk*
one wonders why they don't have e mail address as a field in more of these applications. especially if you're filling one in electronically. they asked on the questionnaire if i was familiar with computers. they asked a lot of things.
those personality test things are so hokey. the give you only four options: disagree strongly, disagree, agree, agree strongly. what if i'm neutral? isn't that allowed?
i also felt that some of the questions shouldn't have been answered. there was one... something like, "if someone feels depressed, it is their own business." now strictly speaking, i side with yes, it is their own business, but i question if they're putting this in the context of a work environment. it becomes iffy, i think. personally i'd want to leave well enough alone, but i doubt that's what they want to be the answer. i really wanted to abstain from that one, or be neutral.
all these stupid, wanking questions about attitudes toward others that you know are going to be applied in the stupidest way possible to real life. "you find it exciting to be at events with large groups of people." what the bloody hell does that have to do with blockbuster??
"you become depressed unexpectedly without reason," and "you don't like associating with others." are these questions? are you serious?? as if i don't know what the answer should be? does this stay within the whole equal opportunity employment idea? we'll hire sociopaths, too? oh, another good one, "when i get upset i curse frequently." *sigh*
the thing is that they'd ask questions where i wouldn't want to agree, but i certainly felt disagreement to be wrong, so it's all skewed. there were few things i felt i could legitimately claim to "strongly agree" with, so i'm left agreeing with a lot of stupidity, while some agreements were actually genuine, and not being able to distinguish between the two. the whole process teed me off. plus i find that the repeating themed questions (which i'm quite aware of as they come up) are phrased just differently enough so that it looks like i'm contradicting myself, while in reality my answers to both questions were, "who gives a bloody damn?" largely that question sums up my opinion of the whole survey. yet again we see the power of my pointless memory. why do i remember these stupid questions?
yeah, i don't think i look like good employee material from that test. the thing is that i'm one of the best employees you can get. really. i'm pleasant to all, i take pride in my work and do my best, no matter how blammed menial it is, i'm highly moral, and i'm punctual. i'm the complete goody two shoes.
argh. i hate applying for jobs so much more than the work. i'd rather have a day's unpaid labour than go through all of this garbage. hate hate hate. flames... on the side of my face.... *sigh*
well, one good thing today--debi went to the library and got herself a card finally. she also brought home some books. mostly things i've already read, unfortunately. well, gift horse in the mouth blah blah.
the thing is that if i've already read a book more than once, i end up speeding through it. one of the things debs brought home was a trilogy by mercedes lackey that i think i've read five times already. i started rereading it again. *sigh* in a half hour i was up to page eighty. this is just not going to take long. must... find... more... distraction!
oh, well one thing i need to do is work on composing. i'm attempting a piece for the person on the
brunching ubb who grouped to me. the "spifferito sonatina," it shall be. am i or am i not covered in cheese?
i actually got started on it on saturday, but i was interrupted by debi coming home and insisting i help her put away whatever it was. i don't remember. i have the main theme for the slower part, plus another line. one thing about my compositions: i find them enjoyable. i got the theme stuck in my head for all the rest of the weekend. it's a really nice theme, actually. pardon me while i pat myself on the back. =Þ
the hard part of this is probably going to be the fast portions. i never know how to write things other than melody, and largely fast sections don't emphasize tune. i'm thinking i'll have to work on using chordal progressions implied by the original melody then using arpeggios and intervals that outline those chords.
damn me, i know way too much theory. the more you know, the less anyone can understand what the heck you're talking about, despite the fact that you're explaining it more and more precisely. it's all stupid terminology that seems to exist merely to justify the institution and to put up flags that say, "look! i'm educated!" utter idiocy, really. which is not to say that i haven't learned more, it's just to say that they've insured that what i have learned is insanely hard to transmit in a normal fashion without making others suffer through the pointless terms as well. the institution insists on maintaining its trappings, despite their uselessness.
damn, too much tr. well, he may have been a jerk, but that's not to say that he was always wrong.
the concept of teaching fascinates me. i think a lot about teachers in relation to truth. i remember when i was younger my attitudes toward teachers. largely if they said it, then it needed no backing up, it was correct. do you have any idea how dangerous that is? i think i didn't even really look at that attitude until i saw the "evolution is for dolts" thread on the ubb. it never occured to me that anyone could consider evolution to be incorrect, since i had been taught it was truth by my infallible teachers. i was taken aback. you mean the whole world doesn't have to believe in evolution? well, i knew that other people didn't believe it, but i thought that all of those people had merely not yet discovered the truth. i'm shocked at how recent it was that i realized how my versions of truth are not necessarily correct.
you know what? it's fun believing that your perceptions of truth and the world are faulty. i get a real kick out of saying, "i believe that freedom is the most important thing in life, but i'm wrong of course." see, i know i'm wrong. i revel in it. yes, i feel that freedom is the most important thing, but i wouldn't be surprised to find myself changing my mind in the future, and i certainly don't expect anyone else to agree with me. see, this is my biggest fundamental philosophy. whatever i believe in is completely unacceptable to scads of other people, and that's just perfect.
realistically i'm quite sheltered, and i know nothing. i'm a political, social, technological, educational, philosophical ignoramus, and i know it quite well. what grounds have i for pushing my thoughts of truth onto others? no grounds whatsoever. this of course means i can never really be a teacher.
teaching is a sad field. teaching isn't about educating. what we need is not a "teacher," but a guide. a professor is a step up. they profess things, but that doesn't imply they must be true. we need more advanced thinking and less blind acceptance. god bless that i'm getting to meet people who are opening my eyes to new views.
when logically presented with an argument, i can immediately see how it is applied and where the evidence is in society, but i need a jumping off point first. case in point: discussions with christine (rabi'a) have led me to see the other side of the conflicts in the middle east. i have always known that as an ally of israel we must have skewed media coverage of the situations, but i never cared enough to consider the ramifications until i discussed it with her. (i also have an inherent pro-israel bias due to my family, but that has nothing to do with truth.)
we don't need this system of one teacher for a whole year with all that he or she says having to be considered unassailable. what we need is a sharing of experience among many people. this is also flawed, of course, because you can't find if your sources are reputable sometimes, but with a bit of logic, this could be closer to real learning than what they put us all through for thirteen or so years.
truth is out there. really? necessarily? no. truth is pretty much what you make of it in so many cases. point of view is something that only you should choose. do not take other's truths without question, for then you lose what you believe and become a motley assortment of what "they" believe. first and foremost, find yourself. yeah, it's hard, but it's a lot more straightforward than "truth."
dear word, i'm long winded. goodnight.
posted by Unknown at 1:38 AM