ok, so tomorrow's going to be my first day of work, and i'm so excited i'm just going to bust. or not. nope. i have no idea what i'm going to end up doing. i think i'll be fine, i already know a lot of the basics. i was asked if i was register trained, and initially i said yes, but then added a qualifier that i think they've updated the system since then. personnel said maybe i'll go through register training again tomorrow. if so, it'll be a cinch.
it also looks like things are a lot looser and less uptight than back at syosset k mart, which will be a relief. i have one white t shirt that i bought yesterday so that i could show up to work tomorrow in technically correct attire before i figure out exactly what is really expected from us. doesn't look like much though. the employees i saw were wearing any old thing plus a vest. one or two even wore jeans. what a blessing it'll be if i can get away with my wardrobe as is. i just don't hold with white clothing, so i'll have to buy shirts if i do end up stuck with a more severe dress code.
in any case, i'll just have to wait until tomorrow. i think i'm also going to make sure i have enough batteries in my walkman, because i think i'm going to try to walk home. debs says it's about eight miles, and i'm bloody stubborn, so i'll try it. starting at five means i have plenty of recuperating time anyhow, so it should be all good. plus i have my doc martens with me. (they're acceptable for k mart actually, k mart standards are what made me get them in the first place. i used to wear nothing but boat shoes, but in k mart just about the only footwear acceptable is men's shoes or sneakers.) if anything makes a walk feasible, it's these shoes. i love my shoes. i'm such a freakball.
so today debs and i went shopping for the second time since i've been here. i think i've only been here two weeks and two days. it feels like more than that. i've just had too much time on my hands, i guess. we spent, in my opinion, way too much money. mostly because we got a lot of fresh vegetables, and debi bought three steaks plus chicken things. we're cutting back on carbos in the house since debi just found out she's diabetic. life should be interesting. no longer will i be able to cook one thing for both of us. now we have to fuddle. i think i'm going to ask debi if she can deal with cooking whatever meat she wants herself. i just can't see me cooking meat, it doesn't work. anyhow, i'm happy that i finally got myself the generic grape nuts i've been wanting. 100% of my daily recommended iron, so i don't have to worry. i'm sure i haven't been getting enough up until now. i still wonder what i'm missing and why it matters. *shrug*
so debs and i got enough stuff for two weeks, i swear, and then we had to carry it all home, since her car is in the shop. that was... interesting. first debi was contemplating borrowing the shopping cart and making due with the bag lady look... that idea lasted until the end of the parking lot when we came to the point of having to cross the street and we couldn't manage. then came the idea where one of us would stay with the cart while the other brought loads back home.
i volunteered first, since i'm stronger and i wasn't tired out from work like debi. i took everything that needed to be refrigerated or frozen, plus another bag or two, leaving less than half the cart. debi told me i couldn't do it. i'm stubborn. plus i bloody well can too. i did. debi took the rest, and after a block she gave me another bag (five pounds of potatoes with no convenient handle, thankee muchly) and we got on home.
i make it sound like it was easy. heh. i couldn't feel my hands the whole time. i actually couldn't feel the middle finger on my right hand for a good five minutes after we got back, too. we are not happy about doing these things to our beloved fingers. anyhow, so it was a miniature fiasco, and i found it highly entertaining. i've been doing that lately. i'm laughing in the face of all misfortune. it's rather fun actually. mwah hahaha! *giggle* see, i told you.
this is fine with me, though. i think i'm consistently in the best mood i've been in for an extended period of time in years. i'm not entirely sure why this is, but i shouldn't question. i'm hypothesizing it could be a combination of a few things. 1) improved diet. 2) lowered stress. 3) independence. 4) i'm spending time with the person who knows me best in the whole world.
i love debi. she and i became best of friends about seven years back, and it's a fabulous thing. she and i have been through a lot together, and it means a lot to have that in a relationship, since it means we understand each other very well. she used to talk about the two of us living together after i got out of school. i suppose that's down the tubes, but i guess it's a good thing i'm getting to spend this summer with her, as next summer she may be getting married. i couldn't be happier for her, but damn, it somehow emphasizes my loneliness.
funny that this is just about the loneliest i've ever been, but i'm still so happy. i can't figure that one out. i suppose my freedom is more important to me than people? that can't be. well, i am still getting personal contact, albeit not physical contact, so i guess maybe that suffices. if it does, then i'm in luck, since i suspect that getting out of college will mean another period of loneliness.
i'm really beginning to firmly think that it's going to be ok. i'm gone and become an optimist while i wasn't looking. i've had that sense for a long time, though. i always feel that whatever issues are not important and that eventually things will work out for me. almost a feeling like i'm being guided. i think it's related to my retrospective optimism. it makes sense. if whenever i look back, i see that life was good despite problems and that things worked out, then i assume things will continue that way.
this strikes me as unwise, actually, but i can't refute it. all the crises i've been through just diminish in importance now that i've done with them. i assume they will in the future, too. i can't foresee something so tragic that my entire life changes. plus if it did, i'm not sure it would really make my life all that much worse. maybe physical handicap or disfigurement... but i can't see that occurring. i'm a pretty tough sort, and i don't bruise easily. i think for permanent handicap you'd have to run me over. maybe more than once. =Þ
it almost seems like i'm trying to brood on this subject and it isn't working! hehe! whooo! now i'm going to end up having something awful occur just to spite me and my flagrant dismissal of misfortune. the thing is that my immediate thought in reply to that is still, "so what?" man, i better look both ways when i'm out--i'm asking for it!
i hope k mart turns out all right, and i still feel this positive tomorrow. especially if i come back after an eight mile hike. *shrug* on va voir. it's so nice, this feeling. it's lack of anxiety, that's what it is. i don't get it that often, i'm a natural worrier. i should try this out more! it's great! whoo!
man, who slipped the drugs into my grape juice? if i don't watch it i'll find myself becoming extroverted all of a sudden, and then what would we do? =Þ
i think i'm going to go off to bed in a nice floating, happy, tingly, blue and silver cloud. i won't be able to recognize me soon, at this rate. :) g'night.
posted by Unknown at 12:46 AM