more fun with job applications today. i am really hoping that k mart will take me and have done with it. i just feel at this point that nothing i do will have any meaning for me, so i may as well go with something familiar and stupid. *sigh* i hate summer. i'd almost rather just work during the school year and not have a summer. (wow, masochistic thought there.) maybe i'll be able to next semester. if i could get a job at the library... ooh, bliss.
hum. before i went off to college i spent a lot of time worrying about which college would really fit me, but after getting to school i think i realized that most would. it's just a matter of the extent to which it suits me. i'm beginning to think maybe jobs will be that way, too. i love so many things... maybe i would be happy in any one of twenty jobs. that's a much nicer way to think about it. i would hate to have one dream job and end up not making it.
also, my mom at one point began encouraging me to look into library science. i could actually do something she'd approve of... nah. somehow i just don't think i would find enough interest in it. i need something more engaging for my life. i know quite well that nothingness drives me mad. i'm currently going mad, thank you.
oh, meanwhile, debi and i are still getting along well, but i think we both have pet peeves... today we argued about using paper plates, briefly. debi complains that i'm not using them and that doing the dishes means extra work. NOTE: i am the only one in this apartment washing any dishes. i tell her this and she says that the thought of the extra work makes her feel bad. umm, nope, sorry, you lose. not that much extra effort, and it's cheaper as well as more environmentally friendly to wash your stupid blammed dishes that you never put in the sink and i always have to pick up for you. flargh. it doesn't bother me much in terms of effort, it bothers me that it would be so much easier if she didn't do it that way. ounce of prevention, you know. if you rinse your bloody dishes, then i won't have to have them sitting in hot water for an hour because they've crusted over rather nastily. *sigh*
debi's also not happy that my current sleep schedule is running 2 am to 11 am. at this point there's no reason for me to switch, though, and who knows what my work hours will be in any case? even if i have to start catching 6 am buses, i think i'll be able to adjust no problem, so i don't see this as a valid issue.
the thing is that debi and i always bicker. i think it's almost a way of showing affection, with us. which is not to say that there's never anything valid behind our arguments, but still, at least we actually tell each other what we don't like. mom just insinuates, usually. or she's really upfront, but uses biting sarcasm. argh. i've just had it with living with her.
yeah, so utah itself sucks, and the job market isn't looking thrilling, but i'll take baking to death, little caesar's and my sister over no work, decent temperatures and my mother any time.
talking with people from school a bit lately... adam, suz, sarah, morde'an, ali.... i miss everyone to death. i feel at this point that i don't know how much else i can do in terms of job apps... i don't know what i can do of value with myself right now. practice and read. i almost feel like i should just stay asleep for a bit and wait for something to happen. argh. i'm really hoping for a k mart job. how sad.
i feel like i'm so inexperienced and that i'm so far behind. debi had much better summer jobs than i'm getting. although i guess she didn't always get paid. still, though, a summer interning at a law office is much more impressive than retail. i feel like i'm so boring, compared with everyone else. what have i done with myself? anything worthwhile? not hardly. i'm floating. i have no purpose.
i feel like i'm disengaging from real life. my thoughts are sluggish, my emotions are random, my activities are pointless. oof, especially that last. i vacuumed *again* today, and debi plucked legend's quickly shedding hair onto the rug *again* today. i was so aggravated that i just looked at her, then looked at the pile on the floor, then looked at her again and stuttered, "d-d-debbbiii... d-d-death!! d-death! d-debi??..... DEATH!" in a rather high pitched voice.
she denied it. she said legend just happened to shed. right debs. in a neat bloody pile in the middle of the living room. DEATH. *sigh*
maybe i'll ask debs where the library is, and i'll just hike over and spend the day there tomorrow. nothing to do with my time until i get some response. you never realize how long each day is until you have to waste away most of it. of course i also know how short every day is, because i've had days in school where i don't get home until 11 for any significant free time. i prefer the latter. i can't stand doing nothing. insanity at least gives me some source of amusement. i swear i'm going to rename this thing "blog of interminable boredom." oh, and random thoughts, too. like this one, "hey, the cup this milk is in matches my blouse perfectly."
i want to go to sleep and have a really good night's sleep, and have a wonderful dream and wake up energized and go do something. maybe go for a hike around payson. maybe there's some interesting part of it that i've somehow overlooked. *snerk* hum. i want to see people. i want to talk to people. utah is not the place for me to meet people i'd want to talk to, though, i'll bet. *sigh* why couldn't you have moved to seattle, debi?
okay, so i'm so random and unfocused that i should just give up now. g'night!
posted by Unknown at 12:28 AM