i'm staring at my multivitamin. my life is entertaining. i'm beginning to wonder about this, though... it's guaranteed that especially in america, joe average citizen is probably missing daily recommended amounts of something or other. i'm probably missing out on iron and folic acid. what are the effects?
this stupid thing tells me it's giving me 21% of my daily recommended amount of chromium. chromium?? what on earth do i need that for? sounds like x men. i have a skeleton of chromium and adamantium. indeed.
okay, so say i'm not getting enough chromium? what the heck does any of this do? especially when one considers that for the most part the set recommended values are way too low. what does this mean? when we think of malnourishment, we often think of african children who are starving and those awful sally struthers commercials, but in strict terms, i'd bet there are a lot of malnourished american kids.
my thought is that it must have always been that way. in more primitive cultures existence was at times less certain... i'll bet there were years where people didn't get enough bloody folic acid. heck, that's got to be true now for many people. also, one doubts that peoples indigenous to central regions of continents got any seafood, and therefore any iodine. what exactly do they set up these standards up for since it seems to me so many must have survived just fine without them? i want to know what happens to me if i screw up.
you'd think that american children would be overwhelmed with this problem, since diet nowadays seems to be consistently awful even in schools. granted we're all dying of heart disease, but i want to know what my lack of selenium is doing to exacerbate matters.
ok, well that was an odd little sidebar. anyhow... today was fascinating as usual. my last day of freedom, or something like that. tomorrow i don't technically work, but i do have to go into k mart and discuss things of a professional nature. ok, i'm snickering at myself for saying that. i'm way too condescending about these things. k mart job is par for the course for someone who hasn't graduated.
argh. my arm is stinging. stupid dog. i have miniature welts from his scratches. flargh. i hate dogs.
well, this weekend seemed to be basically a game of "how much time can i waste so that i can just get on with my life?" which seems to me to be an ill advised way of going about living. i want to be back at school. badly. i say this too often. i'm brooding. it's always one of three topics: i miss school, i miss friends, i wish i had a boyfriend. darn me. not only am i repetitive, i'm also unoriginal. this is probably the greeting call of the adolescent geek girl. *mental wrench onto new topic*
i was very happy today to have received real email. i apparently didn't tell half my friends that i'm in utah. umm. bad me. lisa asked how i was dealing with my mother. well, i'm not. that's a good way of going about it, in my opinion. i'm way too passive with these things. anything i can get out of facing, i will. well, not entirely, but in family matters it often seems the best route, to me.
my father called this weekend. i didn't talk with him. here's a hint, dad. i'm semi-nocturnal. calling at ten am isn't really going to work well on a sunday. i was awake enough to hear the message, but had no incentive to actually go and pick up the phone. bad me.
kathryn's leaving for europe this week. *shooting waves of envy* i wish i had parents who bought me a car, took me to europe, paid for my expenditures... i don't count as a legitimate long islander--i've had to work. granted i'm certainly not needy and i do have plenty of privileges, but my parents don't end up spending much money on me, because i won't ask and they don't give.
my father spends money on me when we see each other once a weekend and we have lunch and go to a bookstore or miniature golfing. my mother pays for my clothing, but i don't ask for any under normal circumstances, and my wardrobe isn't exactly growing in leaps and bounds. more like a shirt or two a semester.
it's funny. i appear wealthy half the time, i think, due to clothing and whatnot, but then the other half i end up looking ragged. hum. i should bother more about these things and try to look presentable.
well, it doesn't matter so much anymore. i used to think about it more considering i'd be dealing with teaching... for that i'd always have to look presentable and whatnot. i'll bet if i end up doing something i like, then i'll be allowed to look less than pristine on occasion.
i say this as though i go around looking like a bum. i guess i get self conscious when i'm at the end of my laundry pile. cutoff jean shorts from poorly fitted jeans and a three dollar black sleeveless shirt make one feel a bit... less than presentable.
and my mind wanders madly... i wonder if i have any shot at convincing my parents between them to get me a piccolo for my twenty first birthday. it would be invaluable for me.... maybe if i traded in the old one, too, giving us a slight discount. i'm theoretically the top piccolo player in the school, but i'm playing on an instrument unacceptable for high school standards. *sigh* i can't go into auditions with this much of a handicap. i can't afford it. not if i'm facing off against tino. pretty boy is pretty darned good. although i'll never understand how anyone can play piccolo and not be able to get enough volume. too many cigarettes, pretty boy?
i have no respect for that sort of thing. i think we have two hard core smokers and another half dozen social smokers in the studio, which is really stupid for an instrument which requires that much breath control. that isn't what gets me, though. tino's also a vocal major. there are a bunch of other vocalists who smoke, too. the only equivalent i can think of, is if as a person highly dependent on your hands, (programmer, craftperson, surgeon, etc) you took to slamming your fingers in a door every day. it's just so incredibly stupid. *sigh* not my business.
it does piss me off, though, when these people are respected above others in the studio who are harder working. one particular example i think of... and when the girl who really cares finally beat out the smoker, i felt she was completely legit in gloating a bit about it. girl in question is by far one of the most dedicated, hardworking, and talented girls in the studio and she was beat out by a slacking, smoking, lazy girl only because she was younger. seniority. ugh. screwed me over last semester, as well.
there are a lot of things like this going on in my studio. effort doesn't seem to matter as much. i think the other profs know what's going on, though. the band and orchestra directors both seem to know who they can count on. (i'm actually in good favour with both of them. i'm quite pleased with that.) why is only our studio teacher so shallow? i have a lot of respect for so many professors in our school. why do i have to be in the studio with the ditzy prof as head?
well, i won't have to deal with it much longer. after i give my recital, i may as well drop lessons for the one remaining semester, maybe try violin lessons instead. do something productive. or voice lessons. i'm almost out. i can see the end of the tunnel. i just wonder what's going to be outside when i get there.
i have skills, unquestionably. plenty of knowledge under my belt. i'll have a degree. i learn quickly. there has to be something i can do... i hope.
ok, so i'm worried. who isn't? job market's not so bad now... and there's no reason that it shouldn't stay that way. i think this is another case where the best i can do at this point is to merely push it off for now and not worry.
i wonder if i mock myself so much because of the depth of my concern. hmm. i just habitually mock myself anyhow. it's just fun. everybody's doing it. ok, i'm just too tired, and i'm getting completely unfocused. time for the habitual breakdown at the two page mark. =Þ goodnight.
posted by Unknown at 1:11 AM